Escalate or deescalate – which one do you do?

I have been working with my young horse, Vertigo, for some time now. He is 4 years old and we have gone through lunging, long-lining, saddle, bridle introduction, and now finally riding. Throughout this journey, he has presented me with many interesting situations. You have to love young horses – they are curious, intelligent, and funny but at the same time, can test your patience, judgment, and skills!

Vertigo has certainly presented me with challenges and rewards. When learning a skill, he often catches on quickly. We practice this skill and solidify his balance and comfort with the lesson. It is in this time he tests the limitations presented to him and my reaction to this test. In these challenging moments I realized you can do two things: escalate or deescalate the situation.

For instance, in lunging, Vertigo thought it would be a great idea to turn around an go the other direction. When you think about it, this seems like a neat idea. He is telling me, “who cares about going to the left, I feel like going to the right now.” When he does this, I could yell, stomp, and be dramatic, scolding him with verbal punches. But, that would add fuel to the fire – he would certainly bolt off, possibly kick and buck, dragging me behind him (likely still yelling, stomping, and being even more dramatic). If continued, at this point in the consequence scheme of things, we would have escalated onto a new level of danger and harm. Trust-building and training would be of least concern.

I decided that it is far more important for Vertigo to understand my reaction. I remain peaceful, calm, and clear. I want him to associate me with this energy, under every circumstance. I began to understand that it is very important we undergo these challenges, that his contrary reactions to my intended lessons are very valuable to him. He is testing how I will react, how can I can stay stable in the situation, he is getting a sense of how calm I truly am. When he feels that I bring the situation to simplicity, clarity, and keep asking for things he has already learned, then he chooses the correct answer. Only this time, he trusts our relationship more.

He no longer changes direction on the lunge line. He looks to me for guidance and trusts my reaction and energy when scary things pop out of the shadows. I am sure we will continue to have challenges as we grow together, but I chose to be a stable energy that deescalates the situation whenever possible.